Iki kultur arasinda, hatta kulturler arasinda kalip da bocaladiginiz, uzuldugunuz, korktugunuz gelecege dair, kizdiginiz, nefret ettiginiz hatta yasamaktan zevk alamadiginiz oldu mu hic…  Herkesin hergun normaldir diye gordugu insanlari, ettigi sohbetleri, gittigi yerleri, yedigi yemekleri, soludugu havayi, hissettigi aciyi ozlediginiz; ozverilerle ve cabayla ancak arada sirada gerceklestirebildiginiz… Mutlulugunuzu paylasamayinca mutsuz oldugunuz, acinizi soyleyemeyince icinizde buyudugu, sesinizi duyuramayinca sessizlestiginiz… O yuzden belki de bu ihtiyac, yazma durtusu… 

Gelelim kulturler arasi, hip deyimle dunya insani, olmaya. Temeliniz belli bir yerde belli bir sekilde atilmissa, belli insanlarla belli iletisimler icinde olmussaniz, besbelli siz oranin kulturunu alir ve kaniksarsiniz. Ha yeni gittiginiz yer de iyidir kotudur, belli seyleri sever ya da sevmezsiniz, ancak kalbiniz ornegin Istanbul`da  ya da ne bileyim Gine`de kalir. Geride birakilan zorluklar dahi size gecmisinizden, insanlarinizdan, huzunlerinizden birseyler hatirlatir, kim oldugunuzu soyler durur. Zaten hic oyle baska biri olma sevdasinda da degilseniz, kendiniz bile olamamak bunaltir bazen, lafin ozu, nedir ki bizi biz yapan; anilar(cocukluk ve yetisme caglari), insanlar ve mekanlar degilse…

Was just thinking there for a second, life could care less if you don’t want to do anything anymore, if you give up or don’t ask for a thing. It is so busy that it is better if you are one of those who is not on the list to help. Life tries its best to be fair, anybody who is asking for something, it tries as long as they try so if you don’t that is your loss not its. Do you get this or need more explanation?

Haydarpasa’yi yikacaklarmis. Uzgunlugum bir kat daha artti. Dedem bahsederdi hep Haydarpasa’ya geldik, su kadar bekledik, surasinda uyuduk diye. Kucuklugumden bu yana Istanbul’u Istanbullu olmayanlarla bulusturan bir yer olarak kaldi aklimda. Oyle guzel bir sehre, tarihe acilis kapilarindan biri… Yazik; ac gozlu, bencil, umarsiz, ne yaptiklarini goz boyama sanatiyla kapatmaya alismis zihniyetlerin siradaki projesi buymus. Cevreye, kulture, farkliliga, eskiye saygisi olmayanlar simdi de bunu aglarina dusurmusler. Ama ne olurmus biliyor musunuz, bir iki haber, derken belki protestolar surerken; gozunu hirs burumus zihniyet toplumu bir sekilde baska gundemlere surukler ve yapacagini yaparmis. Insanlar, hayat kosturmacasi, filancanin dugunu, filancanin taksidi derken konuyu unutur gider, bu zihniyet de sermayesine kattigi yeni liralarla, pardon milyon dolarlarla, daha baska neleri degistireceginin ve yikacaginin hesaplarini buyuk bir istahla yapmaya devam edermis. Peki burada yazilanlar kotumserlik miymis? Hayiiiiirrr, keske birileri ciksa ve karsi koysaymis olanlara, safligi ve birikimiyle, cunku yapilamayacak is degilmis…

Devami gelir elbet…

Of course I don’t know it all, yes I know I might sound silly, yeah there are improper things in what I say, how I say it but can you  teach me better then? Rather than  making fun of it, putting it down, can you help me make it better?

There are so many things that make me think and question, for me saying it is just the surface of an iceberg. There needs to be some things done, by me, you, everybody; this world owes nothing to us. If anything, children are entitled to a better life. Isn’t that why you have or would like to have children too? If you put no effort into making things better, why would you even bother dealing with children business? Are they going to be the victims of your selfish desires and needs? Aren’t they naive, clean, innocent and aren’t they the future that might make you “happy”, then why don’t you at least try to change something about this world, about you at least? Not for yourself because that is all we have been doing anyways, but for the angels of the earth. They are though turning into devils sometimes as a result of what you, we do or not do. Don’t take it granted, it starts with you and you are very important too!

Don’t we all sweat over little things in our own lives generally; it is not the 120 people dying in a plane accident or 50 as a result of an inhumane bombing or thousands because of some “holy war” in some part of the world that makes us loose sleep, rather it is what we will have or not have; say, feel, etc…Isn’t it so much of a “me” world and sometimes it gets so sickening that you wonder “is this all why I am here for, am I programmed just to care about me, is there more to this?” Well, I often think about the matter, I want to feel more connected to humanity even though “humanity” might not want to give a damn about me. That is okay, life should be more than receiving, I am more peaceful when I am less focused on myself and more on others. “Me” doesn’t  mean just myself; my blood, family, friends are all in the circle of “me”. My point is those who are not in the circle; are their lives any worthless than mine, ours; are their struggles, pains any less significant; if so, why? Is this how creator meant us to be? Have you ever wondered about the big pic or cared about some Joe’s life? Well, they say every person is like a book, if only you knew how to read them. Here you go, here is my two cents on the matter…